Pigs in the Parlor: How the Trump White House will get rolled if it doesn’t watch out.



Donald Trump may have won the election but the Washington pigs are ready to rush the White House and run his government for him. It will be hard to keep them at bay. So far he looks like he’s got this figured out.

Here’s how it works.

He has to have specialists who can run the different departments of the White House. And that means people who have done it before. If you want someone to run Communications, they will tell him, you have to have someone who has run Communications at the Pentagon or HHS. Someone who has experience.

You can’t just bring in a ballplayer to the Major Leagues if they have had no experience in college ball or the Minor Leagues. And you can’t bring up a first baseman and expect him to play third base.

So once you bring in that new White House Director of Public Liaison, for example, who ran coalitions on Capitol Hill or at the Labor Department, or for Senator Snort, who hated Trump, he or she will quickly populate it with friends. They will open the door and rush them in. “Quick, quick, before they close the door.”

All of Senator Snort’s people will be in there. Trump haters.

“Oh, we need her, Mr. President, she knows how to do this in her sleep. She’s the best.”

“Hiya, Mr. President,” Giggle, giggle. “Yes, I didn’t vote for you but boy am I now convinced that you are the best!” Giggles and squeals.

The few loyal Trump folks will soon be isolated and set-up for failures which will be leaked to the pig buddies in the media who are happy to oblige since they have known the pigs for years and depend on the pigs for their stories.

The Weekly Piggy Magazine will have their folks stop by, urging the new Trump White House to promote government grants to the Hogwarts Think Tank, which buys ads in their magazine which pays their salary, which pays their mortgage.

And if the Trump White House doesn’t play along with the corruption they will have Miss Piggy, who writes a column for their magazine, appear on Fox News to declare, “Trump is not a true conservative he is now abandoning the Hogwarts Think Tank! Imagine that? Reagan loved Hogwarts.

Most pundits correctly predicted that Trump would bring in the Big Bad Wolf to be his Chief of Staff. But to Mr. Trump’s disgust, in time, he may learn that the Big Bad Wolf also likes the pigs. It makes him appear downright loyal by comparison.

The Big Bad Wolf may even sacrifice loyal Trump folk and sometimes feed them to the pigs. He would tell Mr. Trump that he, the Big Bad Wolf, alone stands between the president and a devouring host.

“I told those little piggies, Mr. President, that if they don’t behave I will huff and I will puff and I will blooooow their houses in.”

“Thanks Big Bad Wolf,” Trump will say. Thank God that at least YOU are loyal to me.”

But it looks like that isn’t going to happen to Trump. He’s not only going to bring in the Big Bad Wolf, by himself, now he’s going to bring in Roadrunner too. He will have both of them run things at the White House. One can blow their houses down if they don’t get the work done and the other can run circles around them.

So what more can you ask?

I’ll tell you. Trump needs a troika, a triad. Two will fight. Three, as Reagan taught us with Baker, Deaver and Meese, are even better. You will have one who can offer the tie breaking vote.

So yes, the President-Elect is almost there. But he still needs Yosemite Sam, you know who I’m talking about? The one who shouts and has a short temper. Trump’s got his Baker and his Meese. But he still needs his loyalty enforcer. His Lewandoski. At least to get things started. Because in the White House, the President knows, loyalty Trumps competence.

Now those are the pigs in the parlor.

What’s outside? The corporations with their lobbyists who want everyone to be burdened by regulations, except themselves. Who want money direct from the government, without competitive bids.  And who want money direct from the Federal Reserve where they can just print it as electronic numbers on a page.

And they aren’t pigs. They are hogs.  And they are really, really dangerous. Even the Big Bad Wolf is afraid of them. Roadrunner can only run for the hills. Yosemite Sam can only stutter. But that’s another story for another blog post.


Published by Doug Wead

Doug Wead is a New York Times bestselling author whose latest book, Game of Thorns, is about the Trump-Clinton 2016 election. He served as an adviser to two American presidents and was a special assistant to the president in the George H.W. Bush White House.

4 thoughts on “Pigs in the Parlor: How the Trump White House will get rolled if it doesn’t watch out.

  1. http://www.cnn.com/2016/11/13/politics/rudy-giuliani-donald-trump-russia/ the whole spin room stuff sends my head spinning but I’m a little more worried about the Neoconservatives and the Keynesians getting in and on that note, what should we make of Rudy Guiliani and this massive military build-up he was talking about today?
    There are some Constitutional Conservatives in there and that is certainly something to be happy about and the rebuke to the establishment has made me giddy since the election (I have to admit, I counted myself among those who didn’t give Trump a chance) but how exactly does he propose to pay for all this? This looks like military Keynesianism to me. Kind of like marching off the financial cliff, just a little faster.
    I don’t know Doug. I’m kinda hoping Foghorn Leghorn shows up and says, “Now, hold on a minute here son…”

  2. Have to say, you did call it Doug! I remember you saying that about Andrew Jackson and I have to admit I thought it was nuts hearing it all along the way. It’s interesting how well I can see things now with fresh eyes. So many signs were right there and I couldn’t see it. As much as Trump scares the heck out of me, there’s something beautiful about how this all went down and seeing all the lefties walking around in circles mumbling to themselves. Kudos Doug. You really called this.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: