Only Stupid Republicans Pay Their Taxes

Hello, let me introduce myself. I am a stupid Republican. I pay my taxes. I support my neighbors who are defaulting on their loans and I support the political friends of Barack Obama whose new stimulus plan is full of pay offs to the groups who endorsed him early. Hey, I even support the discrediting of my own faith, which has already begun with the Obama gutting of Charitable Choice, a program that was so mainstream that even Joe Biden supported it, along with 80% of the Senate and Bill Clinton signed it into law.

And I am doing all of this because I am stupid.

Now, not all Republicans are stupid like me. For example, there are smart “liberal” Republicans. They not only don’t pay taxes – they actually GET money from the government. They develop lobbies in Washington DC who beg congress for money for their favorite educational non-profits, whose board of directors are buddies, who in turn hire their cousins and others in the family who can’t provide for themselves.

They get money for their corporations, usually for a “do good” social justice reason like “making an even playing field for the handicapped” or some other irresistible cause. Of course, they hire their wife or nephew to implement those “do good” policies at the corporation. And the new regulations drive out the little, small business competitors, who must do all of the same things, spend all the same money, but without the massive government subsidies, since they cannot afford the lobbies. This is what Ron Paul complains about.

Now Democrats? They’ve got it made. They earn widespread acclaim for standing up for the poor but it turns out that they not only don’t donate to charity, as we all learned in that recent study, but now we know that they don’t even pay their taxes. Wow, what a win-win. They go on television with earnest faces and tears in their voice, talking about what government should do and how the private sector cannot bear the whole burden alone, and volunteerism isn’t enough, we need government too, while they give to neither one! Ha. Clever.

Note the recent list of seven Obama nominees to cabinet level offices who cheat on their taxes? What can we learn from this? There are only a few choices…

One. That Barack Obama is extremely unlucky.

Two. That so many of his friends are corrupt that he can’t find any who pay their taxes.

Three. That Democrats don’t pay taxes anyway and so the pool he is fishing from is stacked against him.

Well, the first one is preposterous. Statistics just won’t support it. How can we say that every nominee from Washington to Bush paid their taxes but suddenly seven major appointees of Obama haven’t? I mean nominees have withdrawn for protecting illegals, for not paying social security to nannies, (which is close, at least a tax issue,) for smoking marijuana, and as recently as George Herbert Walker Bush, they have even withdrawn for such quaint issues as alcoholism and adultery. But not for cheating the government out of taxes. Who would hire someone to enforce laws that they themselves flaunt? Who would hire someone to run a government that they don’t respect?

And the second choice? Oh… say it ain’t so. Obama cannot be corrupt. Like many people, I am so pleased with myself, that we have at last elected an African American president. I am going to pass on the second one. Although, I am getting a bit nervous. The joke on Leno about handicapped people bothers me. The Secretary of Interior under Reagan was fired for referring to “a cripple.” And the Secretary of Agriculture under Nixon, lost his job over a tasteless, racial joke. In eight years of Bush he never said anything so politically insensitive. Kinda makes ya wonder, who’s dumb?

And then Obama’s famous campaign pledge to go “line by line” has already entered that notorious lexicon. There is “We did not exchange arms for hostages.” Or “Read my lips.” Or “I want you to listen to me, I did not…” Or those frightening words in that famous State of the Union address, “The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa.” Oh, those clever Brits, found something our billions couldn’t find. It just seems a little too early for Obama to betray the public trust. I mean he could have at least finished his first 100 days.

But then, all of that leaves me with a very unsettling conclusion. Why does Obama end up with so many tax cheats among his nominees for top positions in government, when all the governments before him hardly had a one? Well, it means that Democrats just don’t pay their taxes. For if the public figures in the Democrat Party don’t pay their taxes, the ones who are expecting to be appointed to powerful positions, then why would the “average” Democrat pay? In fact, let’s face it, most “average” Democrats are getting money FROM the government. They don’t have to pay taxes at all, and if they are unproductive “takers” not “givers” at least they are not breaking the laws that the liberal Democrats in congress have passed but can’t seem to keep themselves.

Hmmmm, I wonder where Bill Gates and Warren Buffet stand on this? They like to pay taxes. But they are silent. I guess they think that the ends justify the means. If the best “tax getters” are “tax cheaters” well, ya gotta do what you gotta do. That’s business.

Hey, here’s a great idea. Since Barack Obama says he will raise much of his budget from tax cheats, and since the Democrats are big on profiling, like the recent suggestion to the Missouri Highway Patrol that anyone with a Ron Paul bumper sticker should watched, why not audit the taxes of any Democrat who submits a resume to work for the new administration? Maybe Obama is really onto something after all. We could balance the budget and eliminate the national debt by catching Democrat tax cheats on a massive scale. But then who would serve in government? Oh, yeah. I forgot that.

The real measure of integrity is that after finding those nominees to the highest positions in government who have filed false or incomplete tax returns or haven’t paid what they owe, many are still being pushed for confirmation. The Obama vetters are not saying, “OMG, another one. This is too politically sensitive. We can’t have another tax cheat nominated.” Nope, they just plow right ahead and stick it in our faces. “We don’t pay taxes. We’re liberal Democrats who care about people, but you? You are conservative, selfish Republican swine and you must pay taxes. And we will put you in jail if you don’t.”

Ahhh, it would be so nice to be a liberal Democrat. To watch Hollywood films and television shows about presidents who fight for the school milk program. To cry when Michael Douglas curls up with Annette Benning and says he is going to do the right thing. Or when Martin Sheen gets a tear in his eye in West Wing. And best of all NO TAXES! Think of what you could do with that money? How much you could do for your family and for charity. But alas, my conscience won’t allow it.

The gutting of Charitable Choice

Study shows liberals don’t give to charity

Published by Doug Wead

Doug Wead is a New York Times bestselling author whose latest book, Game of Thorns, is about the Trump-Clinton 2016 election. He served as an adviser to two American presidents and was a special assistant to the president in the George H.W. Bush White House.

7 thoughts on “Only Stupid Republicans Pay Their Taxes

  1. You asked: “We could balance the budget and eliminate the national debt by catching Democrat tax cheats on a massive scale. But then who would serve in government? ”

    Answer: Elect REAL Republicans in 2010.

  2. Hey, we’re moving in the direction a doctor gets paid the same as a ditch digger, so eventually everyone pays the same amount of taxes, except for the politicians.

  3. Love the passion and sarcasm here. You’ve tried to be objective since before the election, but liberal democrats make it so hard don’t they.

    While watching the budget debates on CSPAN this week, I posted this thought on Twitter.

    I wonder sometimes if liberals really believe the stuff they champion or if they have just perfected lying to themselves and others.

    It was a rhetorical question.

  4. Well, I’m a liberal and I pay my taxes. And I donate to charities. And I am cynical. I don’t like leaders who don’t pay taxes, and I don’t like angry, partisan rhetoric that splits us down the middle. You cannot tell me that all Democrats are bad and all Republicans are good, and vice versa. Can’t we all just get along? And look for intelligent, thoughtful, statesmanlike answers?

  5. Well, I’m a liberal and I pay my taxes. —- Have you applied for minority status? 🙂 Did you complain to your Senator/Congress representatives when Obama announced his tax cheat appointments?

    And I donate to charities. —- How much? You drop some of your spare change in the Salvation Army bucket at Christmas?

    And I am cynical. —- No doubt about that, you already said you are liberal.

    I don’t like leaders who don’t pay taxes, and I don’t like angry, partisan rhetoric that splits us down the middle. —- See above, did you make the calls?

    You cannot tell me that all Democrats are bad and all Republicans are good, and vice versa. —- I agree, the terms “good” and “bad” are very subjective and generic. I can say the Democrat platform sucks and the Republican platform is much better. Whether the Republicans follow through is a completely different story.

    Can’t we all just get along? —- Sure, all you have to do is become conservative.

    And look for intelligent, thoughtful, statesmanlike answers? —- Yes, see above.

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