Glen Beck: So what can we do? What do people in Washington fear? Because I don’t think they fear anything. They don’t fear a scandal.
Ron Paul: They fear truth. They can’t handle that.
– March 24, 2009
I was toolin along on I-44 to St. Louis, Missouri from Rolla last weekend when I spotted the Ron Paul bumper sticker. My cousin is a former highway patrolman and I seen the memo put together by the Missouri Information Analysis Center, part of the Missouri Highway patrol, which profiled dangerous Ron Paul supporters as likely terrorists.
I knew that we all, as good citizens, should be on the lookout fer the Ron Paul people and good Lord, there are millions of em. But I made it my own personal commitment, out of a sense of patriotic duty, to take them on one by one when I sees em.
Sure enough, just beyond a big billboard announcing Meramec Caverns I spotted a green Volvo (weird foreign cars that only women and sissy men buy thinkin that they are safer) with that Ron Paul name stuck to its bumper.
You would think that an American terrorist would be smarter than that but hey, if they are going to advertise who they are, we are going to take that information and use it against em until one by one, all 30 million of em are incarcerated. No more 9-11’s, not in Missouri and not if the Highway Patrol and its citizen helpers can stop it.
Anyway, sure enough, the driver appears to be a young-un, not old enough to really understand what he had gotten into and when I passed him he smiled at me (probably hi on weed or wead) – not knowing my true intentions – but I was resolved to be unmoved.
Now, this isn’t personal for me. For me, this is about freedom and liberty and if we are going to keep America free we must be willin to make sacrifices. Freedom isn’t free. And those sacrifices may mean allowing the government to read our mail and listen in on our phone calls. Or print as much money as they want to, hey ifin it were legal, I would print more too. All of which the Ron Paul people would stop.
I ain’t got nuttin to hide and I welcome the government listening in. In fact, I always says, “Hey,” nowadays, when I pick up the phone, just as a courtesy to the men and women who toil away in dark rooms listening in. Don’t mind me one bit. And if me bud and I are talking about Guns and Roses or sometin like that where there could be a misunderstandin, we simply add a little explanation fer the listeners, as a courtesy ya know, so they don’t waste their time on us, when real terrorists abound in Missouri. And sometimes we even offer hints and clues about neighbors who are suspects.
I axe you, what kind of person is afreed of government listening in? Dopers? Homos? Adult, so called, Christians, who violate their marriage and the commandments in Song of Solomon by engaging in unnatural acts. (Those things used to be state crimes before libertarians raised such a ruckus.)
Anyway, I trap this guy at a Burger King and when I enter he is standing casually in a line, preceded and followed by two, young, home grown Burger King, Missouri mama’s who had to weigh a thousand pounds together.
I don’t hesitate. I jumped him and the two of us went sailing clean over the counter, the fat women screamin and jigglin and the Burger King staff scramblin, their little hats flying through the air. I had little Ronny Pauly pinned to the floor. He had a horrified look on his face. Ha. Never experienced law and order. Had either liberal parents who didn’t spank or conservative ones who never let him out of the house. And he had mayonnaise dripping from his nose. (How did that happen?)
I quoted him his Miranda rights by memory. (I’ve seen lots of TV. BTW, that Miranda musta been quite a babe to have a law named after her.) He was shaken like a leaf. Coward. And then he started quoting back the constitution to me, or so he said, I don’t know the constitution. And mouthing other Ron Paulisms, which I liken to communism or fascism. And still that shocked look on his face. As if he thought no one in the world had noticed his bumper sticker.
“Ye not blowin up Missouri bud,” I says. “Not this weekend.”
And he says something back about “earmarks.” And I says, “If ye don’t like earmarks, why ya got an earring in your ear?” And I gave it a little tug.
The Burger King crowd was lookin on in bewilderment. So when I was sure he was pinned tightly to the floor, me sittin atop him, I looked up at the manager and simply says, “Ron Paul supporter.”
And he nods.
And then I says, “This here, is a citizen’s arrest. Call the police.”
The idiot gets on the phone and says “There is a Ron Paul supporter here who has made a citizen’s arrest.”
I says, “No, no, no. You moron. I ain’t no Ron Paul supporter. I am a bonafide, white Republican, who voted for Barack Obama and change. Gonna check the budget line by, fricken, line. I am pro American and not ashamed about it. I am for freedom.
The guy on the floor started squirmin but I held his skinny bod to the floor.
Well, the Highway Patrol arrived, and they remembered me cousin, Jimmy, and they thanks me and hauls this guy off for disturbin the peace.
I had wasted a whole afternoon. Had to fill out paperwork later. But there is one less Ron Paul supporter on the loose. And one happy American, who is proud to live in this great country, and proud to be an American cuz, at least, I knows I’m free.
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